To My Dear Friend Who Can’t Find the ‘Right’ Workout,
I have read too many Facebook postings about exercise that just rub me the wrong way. So I am getting this out of my system. I am not the final word on fitness; I apologize in advance for mis-using some vocabulary. What I want to talk about is tricky; please catch the spirit of what I am trying to communicate, don’t try to tear it apart, because you will succeed and the point will be lost.
I’d like to start by redefining some words. Fitness is not about looking a certain way, it is about feeling a certain way. It is not about doing, it is about being. It is not about finding the “right” workout, it is about uniting who you are to how you feel within your body. It is embracing this body, not as the most important part of who you are, but as a precious part of the force that is you.
Finding the “right” workout is for people who want exercise to entertain and distract them from life. But viewing exercise this way will never make you a “fit” person. “Fit” people understand that exercise is not a distraction from life, but a drawing deeper into life. Trying to find motivation by making your workout fun will last a little while, but seeking physical exercise because it makes you feel more fully yourself, more fully present and alive, will motivate you forever. It doesn’t matter so much if you are speed walking around the block, or running a stadium, feeling your bones, your muscles, the air gushing in and out of your lungs, wanting to quit, but finding that reserve of strength that says, “Fuck that, I’m not a quitter, I CAN DO ANYTHING” getting that funny smile that still lets you pant, and feeling your spirit get stronger as your body gets tired, that is what makes the workout “fun”. That is what you take with you through the whole day, what makes you sleep better that night, and wakes you up before the alarm the next morning; you’re curious if that magic will happen again.
Let’s talk about fat. This is always tricky. Shame is a terrible motivator. So is wanting to fit in, look good in a bikini, and so many other things that people use to motivate others to hate the “fat” parts of their bodies. Can we just take a moment to have grace for our bodies. Let’s forgive our boobs for sagging after years of breastfeeding, lets forgive our butts for jiggling, and our knees for getting that weird packet of fat on top, that means we will never, ever look like Tina Turner. Lets be as nice to our bodies as we would be to an old friend, because that’s what it is. It’s been here with us through our first bike ride, and our first pint of Ben and Jerry’s. It’s learned how to knit, made love, kissed each baby’s sweet smelling head. It is not our enemy. It is a precious, precious part of who we are. Can we just ponder that for a moment and be grateful for our body?
Oh yeah. Fat. Lets redefine fat as that part of your body that you don’t feel is part of YOU. To properly understand this, you have to have a healthy love for yourself. Not as yourself trying to be someone else, but for the complex beauty that is uniquely you. This is the trickiest part of fitness. Remembering who we are is a constant discipline because who we are is always changing. We have to take time to know ourselves. My hips are not the hips I had as a 17 year old, not because I am fat, but because I am a mother of 3 beautiful children. I choose to love my hips, because I love the mother that I have become. There is fat that needs to go sometimes, not so that I can look like Kim Kardashian, but so I can look like MYSELF. Only I know what that means. I can tell the exact moment in my soul when I switch from exercising to look like myself to exercising look like someone I am not. At that moment I become a less healthy person, in my body and my soul.
Sometimes I define “sin” as anything I do that is not true to myself. That may sound self-centered, but if you remember that God created each of us to be unique, you can conclude that our first job is to fully become the creation He had in mind when He made us. So staying true to myself is actually the most Godly way I can live. I think of that verse that Paul wrote “throw off the sin that so easily entangles, and run with perseverance the race marked out for you.” I don’t want to get preachy here, but if you think of sin as anything that is not truly yourself, this verse is very motivating when it comes to being fit. I am not saying being fat is a sin, I am saying falling into habits that rob you from fully enjoying your life as the individual that God created you to be is sinful, and exercise can be a tool that will enable you to shed those habits and embrace your own life more fully.
The race marked out for you is not the same as the race marked out for me. That’s the point. It’s also important to remember that we all have a race marked out for us, and it’s going to take perseverance to run it. Exercise can help you with that. So push on, shed that part of you that isn’t true to the YOU you know you are, and feel at home in your muscles and bones, jiggly parts and weird hair, own it all and know it is yours. You don’t have to like it all, you just have to love it all, and inhabit it.
So here’s what this looks like in practice for me (which will be different from you, of course, but this may inspire you a bit). I don’t love exercise itself, in fact, every time I start to run, I usually think, “I HATE running.” I love who it helps me become. I love running or biking or planking until I hear myself saying, “I Can’t” and then I tell that voice in my head it’s WRONG and I say, “I DO WHAT I WANT” and I do. I like running (or fill in with whatever exercise you want) until I get pissed off, and realize I’m angry about something, and I keep running until I figure out what that is, and then, when I’m really, really tired, I forgive someone, or something in my heart and choose to love, I start to smile, even though I’m panting and suddenly I don’t feel tired anymore and I find that love just keeps me going and going, kind of like this sentence.
The most important thing is that exercise gets me in touch with what I will call my inner Tinkerbell. I’m not calling her that because she has a tiny waist and looks good in a mini skirt, but because she is tiny, but mighty and stubborn and capable of feeling great emotions, and she is unafraid. Exercise is all about that tiny, mighty part of you coming to the surface and conquering things you never knew you could.
On the outside you are running up a hill you didn’t think you could, but on the inside you are believing for the first time that maybe, just maybe you really are worth it. Sometimes, on the outside, you are giving that sprint everything you’ve got in spin class, but on the inside, you are saying, “I will not give up on my marriage, I will fight for this love.”
You get the idea. When you summit that mountain, or make it all the way around the track, or force your shaking arms to finish pushup number 5, you get this sense of strength. Power that moves from being fully present in your muscles and bones and sinews into your very soul. It is quiet and mighty, and what helps me be patient with my two year old for the 100th time that hour, and use gentle words instead of sharp ones when someone is rude to me at the store. It’s not fake, it’s because I CAN, and I prove it to myself regularly when I work out and I want to quit and I don’t. And then I get that funny, panting smile and realize I’m stonger than I thought, and maybe, just maybe I AM the person I’ve always wanted to be, and I really can do what I want. Because the only person who tells me what I can or can’t do is myself.
Source:
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